Merriam-Websters Dictionary defines…
Selfless : having or showing great concern for other people and little or no concern for yourself
Expectation : a belief that something will happen or is likely to happen
We all have expectations when it comes to relationships, they will all vary from person to person, but expectations are there. The problem is that we allow our expectations, especially in regards to sex in our marriage to create wedges and cause arguments. This reminds me of one very popular analogy that women are like slow cookers and men are like microwaves when it comes to sex. The idea that the majority of the time women need to be slowly warmed up and men are ready within minutes or seconds. Now I fully agree that in regards to how we were made this analogy is right on target, which we will talk more in-depth about another day. Today I want to focus on the Selfless Expectations we have and how they apply to intimacy and sex in our daily lives.
Have you ever done something for your spouse and expected sex in return? It can be as simple as giving them a massage at night, cleaning the kitchen, buying a gift or showering them with words of encouragement. We need to be careful what we might call selfless acts that truly have hidden expectations of intimacy behind them. This is not healthy for anyone, let alone any marriage. In my eyes it can almost be called manipulation, that might a bit extreme, but when it comes to intimacy and sex this should not be something that is taken lightly. We need to be truthful when it comes to communicating about sex! If you want sex, express how you are feeling(remember just because you express it, does not mean you will have sex every time, but expressing it is healthy). We can not read each others minds and communicating healthily with each other will only benefit your marriage.
The truth is Christ has called us to love, because He loved! To love selflessly means to love with no expectations and to expect nothing in return, but to love that person because you love them!
So let me ask you…
Is that how you love your spouse?
When was the last time you made out with them without expecting the end result to be sex?
What was the last selfless act you did for your spouse?
We can easily turn our actions into manipulation, we might not want to see that, but it is true and I want to challenge you to check yourself and your heart to see if your actions are true? We are not perfect and I think it is only healthy to evaluate our hearts and our motives sometimes, because we might not even recognize that we are doing it. Our selfless love, whether through acts of service, words of affirmation, touch, time, or gift giving need to be done with nothing other than selfless love!
When we choose to love selflessly with no expectations we change and our spouse changes! Try it out tonight! Love them selflessly!
“And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.” – Colossians 3:14
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
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